Are you the go-to gal in your circle of friends or in your family? Do strangers share their heart and soul with you at the bus stop? Do people think you are the one with all the answers? If you have answered yes to these questions you are most definitely a friend indeed, and I wonder if you’re also a friend in need?

As a card carrying member of the Go-To-Gal club I understand that it can be overwhelming. At times I feel what I say may be the catalyst for change in someone’s life, change that may not always be easy. But, I know you will agree that it’s truly an honour to have people share their hearts with you. I value Connection above all else and when I share these moments with friends and family I know I am living my purpose. I have a general list of guidelines I follow to a) Keep my membership in the club and b) Ensure that I don’t burn out and end up drooling at a bus stop crying the blues to a perfect stranger (maybe you?):

And if you are not a member of the Go-to-Gal club, you should be! I know that’s a bold statement but you may be missing out. Trust me when I tell you that nothing feels as rewarding as Serving others. People often say to me “You poor thing. It must be so hard dealing with everyone’s problems. I could never do that.” I’m not a poor thing, I’m immensely blessed. Thankfully, I’m not dealing with problems I’m listening to people and hopefully by sharing they will find a way to deal with their own problems. And yes, of course you can do it. There is nothing magical about listening with your heart. Give it a try next time you find a friend in need.

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Well, if you’re not in front of your computer you might be. Over the past decade we’ve entered into a whole new dating world and for many, its working. Online dating can be easy, fun, efficient (how romantic), and sometimes…scary. I’m intrigued by this new frontier in dating. So many friends and friends of friends have found love online that I decided in this month filled with candy hearts and Valentines to be your Love Coach instead of your Life Coach.

I enlisted the help of friends and family to learn a little more about internet dating. It was worth it just to hear the roster of nicknames one friend had to give her dates to keep track of them. “The fat guy, the bald guy, the old guy, the drunk guy, the French guy, and the guy named Guy.” My cousin, Steve, and his bride-to-be Lisa, had so many great stories they agreed to let me share them with you in our Rackstar section.

I was curious as to why some people aren’t willing to give the internet a try or why others who are dating through an internet service want to keep it a secret. No surprise that the number one response is that they don’t want to appear desperate and number two was they were afraid they’d get stuck with a wing-nut. I have personally witnessed two people who are very close to me find love through online dating. And I can tell you that neither would ever be described as desperate and they both dated plenty of wing-nuts without assistance from the internet, thank you very much. They were simply ready for love and had the courage to put themselves out there. So, are you ready to find love? Are you tired of meaningless dates that never go anywhere? Sick of the bar scene? At the risk of sounding like a cheesy late night Love Guru…here’s my Ten Step Program for LOVE.

Click here for a printable version of these 10 Steps

Step One: Check your bags. Three little words but this can be a daunting task. I’m talking about the baggage you drag around from past relationships and past hurts. Many of these experiences cause us to play tapes in our heads “you’re not good enough”, “you’re too fat, too thin”, “you can’t trust men”, all leaving you feeling unworthy of love. I refer to these tapes as your Gremlin talking. If this is an area you relate to please click here and we’ll get you started on taming that nasty beast.

Step Two: Accept (I mean really accept) that online dating is simply the modern way to find love. The only person standing in judgement is YOU. The people who choose to give online dating a shot are strong, courageous and not waiting around for love to fall from the sky. And this isn’t just my opinion. Of the thousands (kay, dozens) I asked “what do you think of people who use online dating services?” all of them said it was no big deal. So, if you truly accept that online dating is cool and you still won’t give it a try…refer to Step One.

Step Three: Know your Values! I’ve talked about this before (Jan 2009 Coach’s Corner) when learning to live a more fulfilling life but in the area of dating, it’s critical. Values are what you must have in order to live an authentic life. These are the things you simply can’t live without. And we’re not talking about “he has to have a six pack” or “he can’t be short” or if he uses a toothpick at dinner he’s out (that can be changed. Trust me.). Values are things like family (does he want one?), religious views, helping others, integrity, humour, personal growth, or health. Remember that we are often tempted to shop for values that sound good. Be real. I suggest that you have your Top Five and use this as a filter when choosing dates. And don’t hide your values. I’m not saying to get into a creationism vs evolution debate on your first date but before more time is invested you want to get the big stuff on the table.

Step Four: Create an Honest Profile. This topic hit a lot of nerves with the daters. Please, please, please use a picture that represents what you really look like. Not that one picture that was taken on some crazy angle that magically appears to have shaved 3 inches off your butt. If you’re bald, flaunt it. If you’re curvy, rock it. Surprises can be fun, but not here. It’s also good to have a variety of pictures that tell a story of who you are (ie: not all party shots or all hiking shots). As for the written word, again honesty is the best policy, along with humour and for the sake of St.Valentine, please use spell check.

Step Five: Do the work. Finding the person to share your life with is serious stuff so give this the effort it deserves. If you are using one of the free online services like Plenty of Fish you may find yourself with dozens (maybe even hundreds) of possible dates. One dater suggested using a log book to keep track of the guys with a few quick notes beside their names. If you connect with someone online and you’ve decided to meet, try to book a date as soon as possible. Telling him how insanely busy your life is and that you will try to squeeze him in between The Bachelor night with the girls and Yoga doesn’t really scream “love is a priority in my life.”

Step Six: Be Yourself! I know, duh right? But how many times have you found yourself in a situation where you meet someone for the first time and then afterwards thought “I was such an idiot”? What, is it just me? If you find yourself acting weird just excuse yourself for a moment and re-group in the ladies room. You are also allowed to be honest and say “I’m sorry, I feel like I’m acting weird. Can we start over?” Being real is so refreshing.

Step Seven: Humour is your friend. Dating, relationships, boys…they’re all supposed to be fun. Every single success story I’ve heard starts with “we laughed together”. If you’re too intense or unable to relax you will never reveal the beautiful, fun woman that you are. And if the date is a disaster, it becomes fabulous fodder for your next ladies night.

Step Eight: Learn to say NO thank you. Keep your eye on the prize. If you find yourself dating a guy that you can’t see yourself with down the road…retreat, abort mission, get out! The awesome thing about this modern dating world is that most parties know the drill upfront. Nobody is into wasting time. Most people say they know for sure on the first date but if you had great conversation online with the guy and his profile and picture seemed perfect but the date was a bust I would suggest you give it another shot. Maybe he was just “being weird” (see step 6). And finally, please let him down gently. This may not be your Prince Charming but you don’t want to break him for your single sisters out there. Oh, and if he says No to you? First of all, he’s crazy! And secondly, do not let this be your excuse for throwing in the towel. It simply means your fish is still in the sea.

Step Nine: Is he the one? My favourite relationship movie quote ever was Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets” when he said to Helen Hunt’s character “you make me want to be a better man”. Does this person make you want to be a better woman? Who are you with him? It’s often hard to be objective in this area and you might want to enlist the help of someone in your life that you love and trust and has no agenda other than your happiness. It also helps if this person has experienced you as a little “less” than you truly are in past relationships. Of course you want to go through your Value Filters to make sure you will be on the same page down the road, you want to make sure he blinds you to all other men (other than George Clooney), and meet his friends and family. Who we choose to spend our time with speaks volumes.

Step Ten: Be in Love. You have passed Step Nine and now is the time to let yourself fall. I know this is easier said than done but you’ve checked your bags, you’ve chosen wisely, and your heart is full and ready to be shared. Giving half your heart so you can save the other half “just in case” he hurts you will only create what you fear the most. Remember why you started this journey. And if it doesn’t work… dive back in with a better understanding of what you need and deserve and the faith that he is waiting for YOU.

“I like these cold, grey winter days. Days like these let you savour a bad mood” Bill Watterson (author of Calvin & Hobbes)

Is it just me? Are we living in some crazy stressful times right now? Is it becoming increasingly difficult to be positive and joyful? While I’ve never been a fan of the “bad mood” and try to avoid those that are, I have recently found myself to be a card-carrying member of the club. I’ll sit back at the end of a particularly stress jammed day, go through ALL the things that I was forced to endure and convince myself that I am entitled to this surly mood. I do know that bad moods are contagious and not to be shared so it’s during these times that I feel the need to turtle away in my jammies (that ironically say “don’t be crabby” all over them) in front of some mindless TV show. Not a bad plan but the accompanying chocolates and wine are probably not helping. Bill Watterson above couldn’t have said it better…I truly am savouring.

For a long time I’ve tried to not refer to this cloud over my head as a bad mood as that might require me to actually be accountable. I mean, c’mon…there are a million reasons why we are in this state right? The economy, hormones, technical difficulties (my personal woe right now), relationship issues, health issues…and on and on. When we snap at those around us we can usually excuse ourselves with the thought that all these other things have made us react this way. I’m not moody; I’m just under immense stress. I was having lunch with a friend the other day and we were discussing moodiness and she told me about a Dr.Laura (remember her? I loved her…most of the time) call she heard. The caller was concerned about marrying someone that was moody all the time. Dr.Laura told this caller to “Run, Run, Run…as fast as you can. He will never change”. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that. Really? Never change? It’s a fine line between being under stress and being moody. My line is becoming increasingly blurred and I think it’s time to deal with it.

I Googled some sites to help me find steps to lift the cloud and here’s the best of what I found:

1. Occupy your mind until the mood is lifted. Preferably with some meaningless task like cleaning out your inbox, folding laundry, filing your bills.

2. Go Shopping. Seriously, this was number two on the list. Love it!

3. Call a friend but beware of spreading the moody disease.

4. Change of scenery.

5. Consider the other person’s point of view if that’s what prompted the mood.

6. Attitude adjustment. I know, easier said than done but being aware is the first step.

7. Exercise.

8. Write down what is bothering you.

9. Is it really that bad? What solutions can you come up with?

10. Watch your favourite TV show.

11. Treat yourself to something you love.

12. (my addition) Find something, anything that makes you Laugh. Dive in and let yourself laugh…really hard.

13. Repeat Step 12 over and over again until your face cracks (watch the Botox, it may spread).


I am working through the above steps but I also decided I could use a little extra help. Inspired by a scene in New Moon (what?! My 40 something friends and I were merely chaperoning one of their teenage daughters) I now have a Dream Catcher hanging in my office (the place where many moods are born); I call it my Mood Catcher. Sometimes I think I see it smoking.

As a parent of a teenager “Just say No” takes on a whole new meaning but today I am referring to saying No to the things that suck the life out of us and Yes to the things that make us more alive and honour our Values (Values exercise: Coach’s Corner Jan 2009).

In the May 2009 Coach’s Corner I asked you to look at areas in your life with a new set of glasses, to look at them from different perspectives. The side effect of that is an increase in the number of choices. We not only have an abundance of things we feel we must do and things people expect us to do, we also have the abundance of all the things that look too good to pass up. The consequence is that many of us end up living our lives expending ourselves as if it were all unlimited, and it’s not. One of the most empowering skills we can learn is the ability to simply say no. However, there is nothing simple about it. Saying no is one of the most difficult skills to learn but once we master it we are able to create a life in Balance with boundaries. The first step is to ask yourself: “What do you want more of in your life? What do you want less of?”

To say no involves a choice. It actually means saying yes to something and no to something else. This past summer I said no to the gym, skipping dessert, or passing on my favourite summer combo of chips and beer on the patio. This resulted in me saying yes to a most lovely muffin top over my AG skinny’s. However, I also said yes to pleasure…and my Yummy Tummy belly smoother but I digress. When you find it difficult to say no it often triggers an area of habitual response: to say no means you’re not a team player; to say no means you’re selfish; and so on and so on. I would like you to start with listing three areas in your life that you say Yes to and what the resulting No’s are. Then, do the same with three areas in your life that you say No to and what the resulting Yes’s are. For example: if I say yes to working late hours every day, I am saying no to family and rest; if I am saying yes to fear about losing my job and yes to powerlessness, I am saying no to serenity. You will start to discover where you automatically respond with yes or no and this can open up new options. Consider what the no is in every yes and you can shed light on blind spots or habits.

After you complete this exercise you should have a clear idea of where you need to say no in order to get more of what you want and less of what you don’t want in life. After I completed this exercise for the first time (I find I need to repeat often) I also found it easier to accept no’s from others. I realized they weren’t rejecting me but just clarifying their own boundaries and making choices for themselves to get more of what they want in their own life. Gotta run…saying YES to they gym today.

Coaches use a powerful tool to help clients reach greater fulfillment in their lives by accessing the person they truly want to be in the future. We call it your Future Self. She (I know there’s a couple guys out there that read this… my Dad, my husband, and my cousin…but for this purpose we will use “she”) is the one that will often have the answers when you don’t. She can look back with detachment and compassion as she lets you know what the right decision is. Your future self represents a powerful image of a life of fulfillment, a life of accomplishment.

I was only outside gardening for an hour, and not even facing the sun (plus, it was April! Who burns in April?). But in that short time out in the beautiful rays I got a most lovely red stripe across my lower back, the area left exposed between my shorts and my top. Not only was I treating my neighbours to more than they need to see of me but I was left with a painful sunburn in such a short period of time. It’s obvious we need to take more care than ever when applying sunscreen but how much is enough? What SPF do we need? What are the key ingredients to look for? This is clearly outside my area of expertise so I turned to a professional.

As a practicing pharmacist and skin care expert, Sharmani has been giving healthcare advice for over 20 years. She now owns and operates PharmacyMix, an online skin care store that offers effective solutions to every day and more uncommon skin concerns. From treatments for dry skin to products that can help you minimize the effects of aging, you’ll find a range of treatments hand-picked by Sharmani for their ability to deliver results.

My husband and I are renovating our bathrooms and heard Rona was having a Scratch and Save sale last Saturday. We borrowed a truck from a friend and bravely headed into what I knew would be Hell. Just driving there I started to feel the stress creep in. The parking lot was jammed, we had this big-ass truck to manoeuvre, and then of course…no flat bed carts to be found. I hadn’t even stepped foot inside and I was CRANKY! Two hours later with a massive headache we scratched the expected 10%. “I knew it’s all we would get” “The service sucks at these places” “People are rude!” I screamed these statements in my mind but thankfully didn’t let the words escape my mouth. Next to me in line was a very chatty, happy older gentleman. He empathized with the poor girls at customer service who seemed to be doing 12 things at once, he was relaxed and in good spirits, and truly thankful for the 15% he scratched. While he whistled and smiled, I felt totally annoyed that he was ruining my Cranky-Buzz. He left Rona up more dough than me and less one pounding headache. Hmm, I thought…maybe I should try on his perspective.

Between my coaching background, self help workshops, and library of books I’ve read to help me live a more fulfilling and balanced life I am well aware that we have the power to choose the life we want. My brain may tell me that I have a choice but I sometimes feel stuck and unable to take action. The challenge is that some perspectives are so deeply ingrained in us that we are often trapped by a single point of view and we simply can’t see a different way of looking at a situation. When we are being driven by our lives we will say things like: “That’s just the way it is.” Not only are we not considering alternatives, but we are blind to those other options: “With my schedule I can’t possibly make time for exercise” or “Shouting at my kids is the only way I can get them to listen” or “Shopping at Rona on a sale Saturday will be a nightmare”. So, who’s driving the bus in your life? Is your Gremlin (see Feb/09 Coach’s Corner) in the driver’s seat and won’t relinquish the wheel? Or have you assigned the power of choice to someone else? There are 7 steps you can take to go from powerless to possibility and finally into freedom from old perspectives that are holding you back. Click here to get back in the drivers seat.

(I assume you mean in another life where I’m single (and 10 yrs younger). I’m going with a cute strapless spring dress and my new fave jean jacket by AG. (It is the perfect jean jacket!) I would probably wear a Boho-style wedge but throw flip flops in my purse just in case. Accessories to finish the look would be a bright scarf casually tossed around my neck like I totally didn’t try too hard (but I did) and a pair of killer sunglasses.

Who coaches you when you have questions or need to talk to someone? Carly, Ladner

I’m lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who all have huge hearts and are crazy wise. I believe we are blessed with a variety of people in our lives, each one here to teach us something different. If I were to name only one…I would probably say my dad. We are so much alike I think he understands me in a way that allows him to drive straight into the centre of the issue. (And yes that’s drive, not dive, as he’s clearly steering the bus in these situations).

What is your fave song you’re rockin’ out to on your Ipod right now? Jen, Kits.

I am totally loving this fun, kooky song called “James Bond” by Scouting for Girls, a pop band from the UK. It makes me smile every time I hear it.

What charities, if any, are you involved with and why? Doris, Ladner.

Cancer has been a frequent, unwanted visitor in my family and I do believe there are things each of us can do to make a difference. I have walked twice in The Weekend to End Breast Cancer, last year we had an Urban Rack team for the Underwear Affair, and each year I have a fashion show that raises money for a variety of charities. And of course, when local charities and sport teams come knocking I try to help when I can.

What is your favourite pair of jeans for spring?Jill, Ladner.

Hands down, my new boyfriend jeans by AG. I love them so much I want to marry them. I confess to a torrid love affair with so many different styles of denim over the years but this one is special. He is loose and cool, looks like he’s seen the world (rips and fading), but hugs my butt in the most perfect way (not too grabby!). I love them rolled up with my Converse high-tops or dragging on the ground a bit with flip flops (no, not wearing those yet..but have done the test drive at home). My family’s been on a steady diet of KD and water for the past month to cover the cost, but totally worth it.

Other than your fabulous husband and son, what influential person would you want to spend your “final” 24 hours with? Susan, Kits.

Yikes, this requires some thought. If I were to still have time to make a difference on the planet my choice would most likely be Obama but my fate has left me only 24 hours? I assume you mean a living person? In that case, I would spend my final 24 with my sister, Leslie. Leslie has been a spiritual mentor to me throughout my adult life and in those final moments I want to be comforted about where I’m heading (and direction is UP, I hope) and Who I’ll be with.

What led you to pursue a career in Life Coaching? Angela, Kits.

My primary focus continues to be my career in retail. But, several years ago I felt a calling to pursue a path that I felt would benefit my retail career as well as honour my strongest value. I want to make a significant difference in my life and the lives of others. I’ve tried to live a life of service but always knew I had more to give and I needed to play a bigger game (my mantra comes from my favourite quote “Your playing small does not serve the world.” Marianne Williamson). I don’t currently have a lot of time for Coaching but my niche seems to be women in small business. I act as a Life and Business coach, helping them strategize to reach their goals. I also use my experience in business to help with more practical things like financials, budgets, etc. But, my greatest pleasure is using the skills I’ve learned with my wonderful staff. I am committed to helping them discover and embrace their talents and gifts and provide an atmosphere for them to truly shine in their unique beauty.

What is the one thing you can’t live without? Jen, Kits.

My bra.

What was your biggest obstacle when opening your 1st store? Chandra, Kits.